How Everything's Gonna End
by sapphireswimming
Summary: Danny scores three tickets to see Phantom Planet in concert and nothing is sacred. Not even the fourth wall.


**Fourth wall? What fourth wall? pfft.**

 **So I found out this week that there's an alternative rock band called Phantom Planet (named after the same sci-fi movie that the Danny Phantom finale nods to) that's actually done fairly well for themselves. They did the theme song for the TV show The O.C. and have several albums you can listen to on spotify. So I'm not sure how the phandom at large has managed to remain in the dark about this? (Although when I brought it up on tumblr a lot of people were like "oh yeah I know them" so maybe the issue is more why no one thought fit to tell _me_ of their existence, haha) Or maybe just anything named Phantom Planet is doomed to failure in the phandom. XD**

 **But anyway, now _you_ know too if you didn't before!**

 **After discovering one of Phantom Planet's cds, and Laora mentioned that it opened up a ficcing opportunity like no other, there was no way that I couldn't write something, haha. So I think this is a surprisingly in-character parody of the trio and some of the events and out of character moments in Phantom Planet?**

 **Absolutely no ties and no offense is meant to the real life band. I'm just borrowing their name and song titles to heighten the satiric irony of this fic. Title derived from lyrics of their song "Something is Wrong."**

* * *

 **How Everything's Gonna End**

May 14, 2015

* * *

Sam flopped down on top of Danny's bed with an oomph, making herself comfortable against the headboard as Tucker gleefully commandeered the swivel chair at Danny's desk.

"Okay," she said, "so what's the big surprise?"

Danny grinned at them ear to ear before turning around to open a dresser drawer. He fumbled around, pushing aside crumpled papers and odds and ends- an old, half melted prototype of a thermos, a glowing chew toy he'd kept in case Cujo decided to stop playing dead in the middle of the night, some now less-than-pristine NASA magazines, a plushy figure of Phantom that Sam had given to him as a joke but he'd kept anyway, and at least four vital chunks to inventions that he didn't want his parents to master _quite_ yet- but didn't see what he was looking for. Closing that drawer, he opened the one beneath it, searching through various and sundry articles of more or less clean pieces of clothing.

"Hmm," he said as he kept looking. "I'm not seeing..."

"Dude," Tucker cut in. "I hope your surprise isn't your dirty laundry because I don't think we'd survive that," he laughed.

"No, I..." Danny said distractedly as his abandoned his overturned drawer to push Tucker- chair and all- spinning away from his desk. Picking up a history textbook and ectoplasm stained notebook revealed a plain envelope sitting squarely in the middle of the desk.

"Aha!" he exclaimed, snatching it up.

"Oh! Great!" Sam exclaimed with a smile. "An envelope! Just what we always wanted!"

"Yes, brilliant, Danny! How did you ever find one of them?" Tucker chimed in, trying not to snicker. "I can't imagine how anything that might be inside that envelope could possibly be as exciting as an envelope!"

"Not only that, Tucker," Sam pointed out, "But a self-sealing business sized envelope!"

"True!" Tucker pointed to Sam as his chair completed enough of its rotation that he could see her again. "A rare find in this age of technological progress!"

Danny snorted. "Okay, guys, so..." he paused, building up the suspense, "you ready for this?"

Sam nodded and Tucker set a foot on the ground to stop spinning and leaned forward.

Reaching into the envelope, Danny whipped out a couple slips of paper and held them up in the air in a triumphant pose with a, "Tadaaaaaa!"

Tucker squinted behind his glasses. "Are those... dude, are those tickets?"

"Uh huh!" Danny replied smugly.

"Sweet!" Tucker beamed. "What are we going to go see?"

"Phantom Planet!" Danny said with a flourish and wave of the tickets.

"Wait, what?" Sam said.

"Phantom Planet!" Danny replied. "You know, the alternative rock band?"

"Oh."

"They're like Dumpty Humpty," Danny continued explaining.

"But cheaper!" Tucker interjected with a fist pump.

Sam's mouth twisted. "Yeah, they're like a Dumpty Humpty knock off," she muttered.

Danny's face fell. "But I thought you liked them."

"I used to like them," Sam corrected. "Before they were mainstream. But they're not Dumpty Humpty and they shouldn't try to be. I liked them a lot more when they were developing their own unique sound and weren't trying to be someone they weren't. Because now they just sound like every other wanna-be rock band out there and they missed out on what only they had the opportunity to become."

"Wow, Sam," Tucker said slowly, almost impressed with how quickly she'd killed the mood. "Way to ruin the fun."

"I mean they're fine," she said, trying to dig herself out of her hole but only managing to get herself deeper. "But they're nothing special."

"But I saved up for these tickets forever," Danny lamented, letting them hang limply at his side like dead things.

"Well, you could have asked me to spring for Dumpty Humpty tickets if that was what you wanted. Not like you guys don't ask me for stuff all the time..." Sam said.

"Hey!" Tucker protested, "We don't ask, you offer. We don't take advantage of you like..." he broke off when Sam raised her eyebrows at him. "Okay, yeah, fine, maybe I do, but come on, you can get ahold of the latest tech months before previews even start hitting the forums!"

Sam turned away from Tucker with a sniff to stare at the galaxies on Danny's pillowcase, and told Danny seriously, "Offer still stands if you want it. I know you like them better anyway."

"No, that's not..." Danny sighed heavily. He ground on in a grudging voice, "I wanted to go see them." After a full body shrug, he seemed to deflate entirely. "I thought it would be fun... but yeah, you know what, never mind. You don't have to come. We'll ask Jazz. At least she'll appreciate going somewhere other than the library..." he mumbled so softly that they couldn't understand him.

Tucker scooted his chair across the carpet to backhand Sam's arm. She sat up and finally got a good look at Danny's face. Realizing that she'd actually hurt his feelings, she quickly tried to backpedal. "No, look, Danny, I didn't mean it like that..."

"But you did," Danny said in a defeated tone. "And you know what, that's fine. I just... wanted to go to a concert together and... have a good time... like normal teenagers do." He stopped and threw his head back, crying to the ceiling, "Why can't we ever be normal for once?"

Sam opened her mouth but Tucker beat her to the punch.

"Oh come on, Danny," he said. "We'll all go and enjoy ourselves and be as normal as can be."

"But," Danny began to protest with a half-hearted motion in Sam's general direction.

"No worries," Tucker assured him. "Or have you forgotten the time when "Raise the Dead" was her morning alarm? Or "Knowitall" was her ringtone? No way she's completely given them up…!"

Sam started sputtering.

Tucker started grinning as he continued, "But you know she can't just go around saying she likes them. She'd lost all self-respect and membership privileges at the Skulk and Lurk if they ever found out she liked Phantom Planet or Taylor Swift," he added with a wink.

"Oh my gosh, Tucker, I don't like..."

Tucker smirked and was in motion before she could say anything else, pulling out his PDA and tapping a few buttons before turning it around to show her a blurry video clip of herself bobbing her head and lip syncing to "Dying of Silence."

"... How on earth did you even get that?" she finally asked.

"Mad skills, Sam," Tucker replied, brushing imaginary dust off his sleeves. "Because I'm T.F. As in Too Fine. Or Technologically Fantastic."

"Ugh," she gagged.

"And if you want me to go back to the midnight release of "Phantom Planet is Missing"..." he offered.

"Don't... no..." Sam was shaking her head and glaring daggers. "Tucker... don't you dare."

"... I totally have you dancing in line to "Nobody's Fault" and "I Was Better Off" which is kinda ironic because that was like the week before the whole portal thing, wasn't it?"

"You can't possibly have enough memory on that thing to..." Sam protested.

"Sam," Tucker stopped her there. "Did you hear what I said? TF. The Fabulous. Because I have footage from everything. And I mean everythinggggg."

A second later, Sam was pushing off of the bed and lunching over to grab at the device Tucker was clutching in his hands but he scooted away out of reach.

"I have backups!" he claimed. "And backups of my backups so there's not way you're ever getting rid of any of it!"

As she considered her next course of action, Sam's eyes narrowed and threatened pain. So much pain.

"See? See?!" Tucker screeched. "No one's safe! That's why I do this! I need backup or I'll get squashed to jelly by my other best friend's steel toed combat boots. It may have escaped your notice that steel is a metal, Sam, and I'm not made of metal. Which means that my poor body parts lose whenever they meet!"

Sam rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't have to kick you if you didn't film blackmail footage in the first place!"

"Okay, fair point, fair point," Tucker said, holding up his hands, "But have I actually ever done anything with my blackmail footage?" he asked. "No. I just keep a million copies on my harddrives. But you actually submit your blackmail photos to the yearbook!" Tucker exclaimed. "I only hang on to mine to keep you from pulling stuff like that. Because it's not cool! That's the reason I don't have a girlfriend, man," Tucker groused.

"Suuuuuure, that's the only reason," Sam said.

"Hey! When you take pictures of me and Danny cuddling on the zoo floor together the only reason people don't give us grief about it is because everyone knows that you two lovebirds are meant to be a couple!"

After a beat, Tucker realized that neither one of them had said "We're not lovebirds!" or "I'm not his girlfriend/boyfriend!," an involuntary reaction ingrained into them through years of the entire school playing matchmaker.

But... neither one of them had protested.

"Oh. My. Gosh. Oh my gosh. Ohmygosh," Tucker repeated, eyes growing wider with each repetition. "You didn't deny it..."

He flailed backwards on the chair, rolling back into the wall and barely saving himself from falling by catching the nearest corner of the desk.

"This is... oh man... haha... this means Kwan owes me big time. And Nathan and Lancer... dude, I need to...!"

"Uhh," Danny waved a hand in front of his friend's face. "You do know that we're not actually a couple, right, Tucker? And we have never been a couple?" He glanced at Sam warily out of the corner of his eye as he rubbed the back of his neck. She blushed and decidedly did not look over in his direction.

"It's practically the same thing," Tucker waved away unconcernedly. "I knew this was gonna happen! You guys just got me a bundle..."

It finally dawned on Sam what Tucker was saying. "Oh my gosh, you were... were you... betting on us?" she asked incredulously.

Tucker was about to answer with a resounding yes when he wised up and considered what sort of painful death he might be flinging himself toward headfirst if he did so. "Uhhhhh, is there an answer that won't get me killed?"

Sam was fuming. She stood up from the bed and Tucker yelped and leaped behind Danny.

Danny laughed and put his hands, swerving to keep Tucker out of Sam's reach.

"Oh come on, Tucker, she won't actually kill you," he said over his shoulder. "That would break her code."

"What code?" Tucker asked frantically.

"Her code of non violence," Danny replied.

"When has she ever had a code of non violence?!"

"It's like part of her ultra-recyclo-vegetarian code. Tree hugging and peace to all living things..."

Tucker pondered this for a moment as he danced to keep Danny between him and Sam. "I thought that was just eating dirt," he finally replied.

"Nothing with a face?" Danny offered instead.

"Dirt," Tucker said firmly.

"Dirt," Danny agreed, then turned intangible when Sam finally took a swing at him.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed, flickering back to visibility. Behind him, Tucker had a hand to his cheek and a betrayed expression plastered across his face.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!" Tucker moaned.

Danny did a double take to make sure that Tucker wasn't actually about to die or anything. He seemed okay. Nose hadn't been pushed up through his brain and glasses were still in one piece. No impromptu first aid, then, just righteous anger on his friend's behalf.

"Hey," Danny said, "you can't just hit a guy!"

"Yeah," Tucker echoed. "You can't just hit a guy!"

Sam pursed her lips, her only act of contrition when she hadn't hurt him and he had been the one in the wrong.

But yeah, the ghosts hit them enough as it was. They didn't need to hit each other too.

"I know!" Tucker said, suddenly perking up. "I call Sam brings snacks!"

"Wait, what?" she asked. And then, belatedly, "You can't just call I bring snacks."

Tucker straightened. "As royal head of this trio, I hereby declare that Sam will buy snacks as payment for punching me in the face—"

"I didn't punch you in the—"

"And that we will all have fun on Friday!"

"I can get behind that," Danny nodded.

"You can't do that, Tucker," Sam protested. "You aren't the royal head. This is a democracy!"

Danny and Tucker both raised their eyebrows skeptically.

"What?" they chorused in unison.

Then, before Sam could reply, Danny quickly asked, "Tuck?"

"Yeah?"

"I move to make you mayor in this democracy all in favor say 'aye!'" he sped through the words like he was thought Sam wouldn't be able to keep up with him.

"AYE!" he shouted at the same time Tucker shouted, "AYE, AYE!"

"Good, done," Danny clapped his hands together.

"Wait, no, I veto!" Sam said, trying to salvage the situation.

"You can't veto," Danny said. "This is a democracy."

"Yeah," Tucker grinned. "And I'm the duly elected mayor. Which means that you will buy all of the snacks I list and you will be happy about it."

She shook her head and smiled. "Okay, okay, fine," she groused good naturedly. "You come up with a list and you shall have your snacks."

"Sweet!" Tucker shouted, putting both hands in the air and completely forgetting about his reddened nose.

"But wait," Sam stopped, "Danny, is this like… the day after tomorrow Friday?"

"Yep!" he said.

"Don't your parents have that thing you're supposed to go to?"

"Maybe…" he answered evasively.

"That you've been trying to get out of for months?" she asked pointedly.

"Yeah," he admitted with a sigh. "But I'm going to skip."

"Danny!" she exclaimed in shock. "You can't just skip out on family functions!"

Tucker started laughing but Sam failed to see the irony in what she'd said until Danny snorted, "Oh that's rich, you telling me not to skip out on family functions. That's like Vlad saying, 'Oh my bad, Danny, I don't actually want to kill your father or marry your mother anymore, I'd rather just have world domination and five hundred billion dollars.' I mean, wow, never thought I'd ever hear you say something like that."

Sam was about to argue that it wasn't really that big of a deal when Danny waved his hand in front of him. "But they don't need me there," he said loftily. And besides, he added with a grin, "They'll never even know I'm not there."

"Oh yeah?" Sam asked, crossing her arms and ignoring the earlier jab. "Even they're not that oblivious."

"Well, I have a plan," Danny said, which wasn't worrying at all.

"And what's that?" Sam asked suspiciously.

Danny grinned over at Tucker, who was wearing a worryingly similar expression on his face.

At the same time, they turned to Sam and yelled, "THE BOTS!"


End file.
